I’m 14 and masturbate on webcam for strangers, how can I stop?

• July 28, 2016

Q: I’m 14 and have had this bad habit for a while now, almost a year; I masturbate on webcam for total strangers. My mom’s caught me before, but that didn’t stop me.

But now it’s taken control of my life. Like last week, on the last day of school, I masturbated in the boys’ locker room. It didn’t bother me that some of the boys took pics of me while I was doing it. And since then I keep thinking about it and want to do it again. All week I’ve been masturbating on my webcam, but it doesn’t feel the same as doing it in front of those boys. I’ve seriously considered going to the park or a bus stop and masturbating there. How do I stop my bad habit, am I too addicted?

~ See Me, USA

A: Dear See,

First, it’s important not to think about masturbation on its own as a ‘bad’ thing. Masturbation is a natural response to your normal sexual drive at 14, meeting your healthy needs in a safe, respectful and self-caring way. However, when you make it a public act, you completely change the purpose and open yourself up to risk.

When you masturbate for others, either on a webcam or in person, you move beyond the act of safely caring for yourself to sending a message to the people watching. Whether intentional or not, your exhibitionism presents you, not as a person, but as the object of viewers’ sexual desire, communicating, “I am available for your sexual gratification”. Because this interaction lacks the mutual caring, understanding and respect that is essential to a healthy and trusting sexual relationship, you are placing yourself at high risk for being hurt emotionally, developing psychological problems, or, if physical relationships develop, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or pregnancy.

You are right to reach out for help with your questions about public masturbation. I recommend that you seek out an adolescent health professional who can help you think through what is motivating you to do a personal and usually private act, in public. At age 14, the part of your brain that governs your ability to monitor and regulate your impulses is still developing, and will continue to develop for more than a decade. You should not feel guilty for your inability to make adult decisions. Instead you just need to understand that you have limited life experience and are not yet able to understand what messages you are communicating to others when you masturbate for them and what the implications of those messages may be.

Seeking professional advice will also help you understand how you feel about yourself and who you feel you are. Often when young people behave in these ways, it is because they do not feel good about themselves, that they are in some way inadequate or unattractive. These negative feelings can lead to exhibiting what they think and fear is the only thing that anyone would want, their sexually willing bodies. Your therapist will help you address negative feelings and grow to understand that you are a unique and authentic person with strengths and qualities who deserves love, respect and healthy relationships.

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,

~ The Mediatrician

For additional information see:

• Center for Young Women’s Health
• Scarleteen
• Planned Parenthood